Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
