My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
