i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
