I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
