Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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