i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
