So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
