Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize