I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
