My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
