Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You have to summon your inner elephant
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
