i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
