what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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