my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
