Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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