Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
