So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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