I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
