Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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