you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
