I met the friendliest cop last night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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