Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
