Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
