He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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