if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
