i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
