i jhust puked up my retainher.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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