We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
