She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Come see our sink grown plant.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
