my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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