my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
