one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
