i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
