a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
