Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
