Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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