"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
