You smell like a Billy Joel song
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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