he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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