Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
