there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
NoShamevember. You game?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green