Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life