i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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