You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.