My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one