This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.