i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.