I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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