So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
