I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you never un-have a 4some
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
