I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
