sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
