I love black thongs
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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