I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize