If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
