Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
