I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Boobs are out for the taking
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
