well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
