Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
