I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
