you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
