saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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