He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
