I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
