im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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