Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
