I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
