We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
