Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
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I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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