hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
