Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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