God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
