I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
