i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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